THE NORTHERN MICHIGAN ROAD KILL RODEO

I just got back from the first ever road kill rodeo. It is exclusively held here in Northern Michigan and boy is it great fun for singles like me or for people who have families. It doesn’t matter if you are five years old and full of vinegar or eighty five years old and on an oxygen tank, you can find something fun to do at the road kill rodeo. Of course those people with oxygen tanks should stand a ways back from the barbeques.

The food is great and Mrs. Maggie Vitals won the Macramé Chefs Award for her road kill Michigan chicken in fondue sauce There was some questions brought up as to whether Mrs. Vitals found her Michigan chicken along the road or if she found it floating out on the bay. The rules for the Macramé Award are quite specific in that any deceased flesh must be taken strictly from along the roadside and not from bodies of water or alongside bodies of water such as beaches or riverbanks. Most deceased Michigan chickens (also known as seagulls) are usually found near bodies of water or near restaurant dumpsters. In the end, the judges believed Maggie especially since her fondue sauce made the Michigan Chicken (seagull) taste like a Road Island Red. Maggie was happy to take home the top prize of $3.33. The runner-up received $1.00 and the third prize was 67 cents. There was a total of $5.00 in the kitty. There would have been more but, the sponsor of the rodeo, Mr. Jerrod of Jerrod’s Junk-O-Roma, had the sale of his kidney fall through because of his excessive drinking. With the failure of his kidney deal his whole business was now in jeopardy of being confiscated by the bank.

There were several recipes for road kill possum, raccoon, deer and, squirrel but, the judges picked more exotic dishes. The runner up was MS Denise Roadscrape for her rattlesnake pecan turnovers and, the third prize winner was Mrs. Fowler’s Peking Crow. There was some protest over the crow dish since Mrs. Vitals swore that the dressed out crow looked a lot like her missing little Chihuahua named Russell.

Besides great food there were rides, games and, various venders at the rodeo. The only thing is that there was never any rodeo. It seems that chasseing down dead animals is not much of a challenge. Maybe next year this little detail can be ironed out. Of course whether or not there is a rodeo next year comes down to whether or not Mr. Jerrod can find some organ to sell that has not been affected by thirty years of hammering down 40 oz malt liquors.