ROAD KILL RESTAURANT

By Tim Colin
I just got back from the best road kill restaurant I have ever gone too. The place is modestly called “The Tire Stake Café”. They serve the widest variety of animal stakes in the country. They even have stakes that come from Michigan endangered species like: the golden gopher, the lilac smelling skunk, the two headed square faced deer, the saber toothed tiger and even the speckled, plump rump Yeti. This food is yummy for your tummy.

Chef Hebert Hubert told me that the reason the road kill at his restaurant was so delicious was that he used only the juices of the animal itself to flavor the food. He told me that it was a little more work to suck up the juices off the payment but, the result was always well worth it. Chef Hubert also told me that none of his meat ever needed to be tenderized. He said the weight of vehicles running over the meat for a few days, along with the constant pecking at the carcass by crows and seagulls, made the meat so tender that it would melt in your mouth.

Chef Hebert was so right about the meat melting in your mouth. In fact, the meat is so tender you have to eat it with a spoon. The meat will just drip through the tongs on a fork. I noticed that there were many very elderly patrons in the café who were using straws to suck up their meals.

With such a fine cuisine you would think that this café was a really price place to eat. Actually, the restaurant is one of the cheapest places I have ever dined. The special is an all you can eat meat buffet for only $1.99. Is that not a spectacular price? They even take competitors coupons so you can really eat cheap. I asked Chef Hebert why his prices were so competitive and he told me that because his meat was so tender, he saved a fortune on knives. He said that he liked to pass his savings on to the customers.

Overall, “The Tire Stake Café” is a great place to eat. The food is priced for the common man but tastes like it was prepared for kings. There is also a certain quaint ambiance about the café. For aesthetic purposes, there are no electric lights or indoor toilets in the Café. With no doors or glass in the windows you really don’t need any lights. Furthermore, there is an authentic outhouse that sits in front of the building but, you must make sure you ask for a roll of toilet paper before you go out to use it. They won’t actually give you toilet paper but instead, they will give you a handful of leaves. It really is an authentic backwoods restaurant. After my experience with “The Tire Stake Café” all I can say is that I am definitely going back for seconds.