By Ted Colin
Last night I ate way too many frogs at my cousin Vern’s wedding reception. I than had to do the pioneer shuffle all night long until the last froggy entrails were no longer engaged in percolating in my belly. No one else seemed to have the same problem but, I suppose it is because while I was drinking foreign beer all night everyone else was drinking fresh whisky out of my grandpa’s still. White pine liqueur tends to kill all the bacteria in your stomach before it causes partial liver and kidney failure.
I think that maybe the problem with the frogs is that my Aunt Cora can’t see too good anymore and she might have not cleaned the frogs too well. Of course it could be that my uncle Fred who has a real problem understanding the passage of time, might just have undercooked the frogs. In any case the frogs were certainly tainted.
Of course it could be that my cousin Jimmy some toads along with the frogs. You see my cousin Jimmy is really lazy and he might just have taken a short cut on catching frogs to eat at the wedding reception by picking up a few toads. Now toads give people warts on the outside but on the inside they give people a really great craving to partake of the little building with the crescent moon carved in the door for light.
AT any rate I’m just glad that the newspaper didn’t run out in the outhouse last night. The next thing to use when the newspaper ran out was the leaves from the surrounding trees. Unfortunately all the trees in the nearby woods are white pine trees and white pine needles are a long way from the softness of Charmin.
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