Associate Writer
Humor News Nuts
Well, it's deer hunting season again and I'm getting ready to go way out into the deer woods and see if I can't bag me a big buck. I've got my dad's 30'06 rifle and that gun will take'em down but, I also picked up some buckshot so I could get a buck this year but, I can't seem to get the ammo to fit. I sure hope I can figure it out while I'me out in my deer blind.
As far as blinds go I've put the best one together. My girlfriend lets me use her credit card when she isn't looking and this year I used her card to have a wrecker haul in a bunch of old cars and set them up in a fortress. I think I'm going to get in between the cars and be able to peer out at the deer or have a "deer peer." I'm not that big of a dude so, I should able to hide quite easily from the deer. Also, the metal in the vehicles should give me personal protection from other hunters. The deer woods is a dangerous place in Northern Michigan.
I'm not hunting with my brothers this year so, I don't expect to get anymore wounds. My one brother is always drinking and shooting at everything that moves. My other brother just seems to like shooting at me. I'm sure he means to miss me but, I'm beginning to hate spending every Thanksgiving on life-support.
Hunting without my family will seem kind of different this year but, my brothers and cousins all sat down on the toilet seats at the county fair and seem to have developed a rare form of terminal scabies. You would think that with all the skin diseases my family has had over the years that we would have developed an immunity to those little scabies bugs. Of course, you would think that grown men would know better than to sit down on public toilets in Northern Michigan. My cousin Lacey claims she got pregnant from a public toilet. After hearing that I decided that toilet seats were just too dangerous to sit down on.
Now, for most deer hunters the woods is their toilet. Every hunting season the lives of a lot of trees are saved as hunters switch from using toilet paper to leaves, grass and of course twigs and sticks for older hunters. There are some hunters who want to show how tough they are by using pine cones. Others, like going bear-style by rubbing against some rough tree bark. Overall, the type of natural toiletries used is just one of those things that make deer hunting a memorable experience.
Well, it's time for me to hit the hay and get some sleep before my hunting adventure begins tomorrow. Finally, I wish all of you hunters out there the best of luck hunting and I wish all of you non-hunters out there the best of luck at avoiding the many stray bullets this season is sure to bring us. And of course, everyone should make sure that they know their blood type. It saves a lot of time once you get to the emergency room.
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