A NORTHERN MICHIGAN FESTIVAL WITH FUNGUS AND A PETTING ZOO

THE NORTHERN MICHIGAN FUNGUS FESTIVAL
By Tim Collin
Editor In Chief,
Humor News Nuts Publications

This year marks the 300th anniversary of the annual Fungus Festival in the little northern village of Foot Michigan. The festival is very important to this little town since it is the only source of revenue to sustain 14 residents, two ducks and a black bear named Sandy. The festival is extremely important for Sandy since she is in charge of the towns sanitation department. Sandy really cleans up after the festival and gains an average of 200 lbs. Without having to forage for food anymore for the year Sandy can slip right into hibernation even though the Fungus Festival ends May 1st. What an enviable position; only having to work one week each year and then being able to lie around in your cave the other fifty one weeks.

Now the two ducks are the featured attraction at the towns petting zoo. They are the only live animals there and are joined by a stuffed fox, a Marten and a skunk. The little kids especially like to pet the skunk even though the display is getting kind of old and the glass eyes keep falling out. The town mayor has told me that Mr. Ziegler, who owns the farm at the end of 1st street, has agreed to donate his old dog Patches to the petting zoo when the animal passes on. The mayor seemed quite enthused about replacing the skunk with Patches since Patches was born with only three legs and no tail. Hence, the mayor said they could advertise a "Petting Zoo And Freak Show" on the billboard sign near the highway. The mayor hopes this will bring in some tourist business during the off-season when the Fungus Festival is over.

As for the Fungus Festival itself, it has been a bad year for fungus growth in the woods of Northern Michigan. In fact, there is still a foot of snow on the ground all around this quaint little village. To compensate for the lack of fungus growing in the forest, the town fathers cleaned out the township treasury and hitchhiked to and from the nearest supermarket which was located some 50 miles away. At the supermarket the town fathers bought up all the packages of fresh mushrooms that were available. Unfortunately, all the whole mushrooms were sold out and the only ones available were sliced. The mushrooms were white in color so they are very hard to see once sprinkled around in the snow.

Still, the tourists that have shown up so far were not too terribly troubled about the mushroom situation. Instead, they just showed up looking for a fun time and asking for directions on how to get to the Sou Locks. Hopefully, another vehicle will show up full of tourists who are equally as enthused about the Northern Michigan Foot Fungus Festival.